Harmless Headlines: Tortoises, Donugs, and Cristiano Ronaldo

The good news is . . .

GREY Journal

These days it can seem like everybody is mad about something. It’s hard to find those valuable harmless new stories we can discuss with our co-workers without resorting to fisticuffs. Have no fear! GREY has three simple and fun news stories to keep office tensions from rising.


100-Year-Old Tortoise Makes a Run For It

Fred the Tortoise Harmless Headlines
Fred the Tortoise

In Saturday, June 16th, 2018 the Metro News reported on a 100-year-old tortoise that managed to escape. Fred the tortoise had been living comfortably with Terry and Sue Phelps (86 and 73 years old respectively) before he made a break for adventure. After having Fred for over 30 years, the couple was distraught to have lost him unexpectedly. During the week he was missing the community was rallied together and looked for him. The local newspaper even wrote an article with Fred’s picture and a plea for help to find him. After a week of searching a passing motorist found him on the side of the road, about a mile away from the Phelps home. “He was right in the middle of the carriageway and I almost ran him over” The fact that it took Fred a week to go a mile means his average speed was roughly 0.006 mph. Not the fastest getaway in history, but certainly a memorable one.



A Chicken Nugget-Donut Exists Now

Donugs Harmless Headlines

A junk-food mad scientist named Crag Carrick, currently living in Australia, has created what he terms the “Donug”. Basically, it’s a fried ring of chicken (free range) with panko crumb and cornflakes, topped with a choice of sauces. Carrick’s popular creation is currently only available in Australia, but he’s secured funding for global expansion as well.



Christiano Ronaldo's old and new busts
Christiano Ronaldo’s old and new busts

The same day that Ronaldo himself would be pleased with the bust’s return, as it was his family that requested it’s replacement in the first place.


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Madeleine Hettich
Madeleine Hettich is a graphic designer, writer, illustrator, and comic book artist. After graduating with a BFA degree (with an emphasis in Visual Communications Design) from The School of the Art Institute of Chicago, she worked as a freelance illustrator and graphic designer before being hired by GREY. She continues to develop independent illustration and comics projects in her own time. This background gives her a unique perspective when writing about any number of topics.

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