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How To Get Out Of “The Friend Zone”

Does the friend zone actually exist?

GREY Journal

It is a question that has been asked throughout the ages, “Do nice guys finish last”? Are women really more attracted to the bad boy, the so-called “jerk”? It comes down to a question of choosing between the “hero dad” or the “dark cad”. Let’s talk about the nice guy.

Are “Nice Guys” As Nice As They Think?

Man giving flowers to woman
Man giving flowers to woman

One representation of the ‘Nice Guy’ persona is that he is a push over, the quintessential  “yes-man.” He will bend over backwards to please everyone around him, especially around women. Being labeled as the ‘Nice Guy’ is really just a modest criticism of being weak-willed. Nice guys struggle with behaviors such as: confrontation, rejection, not knowing how to accept failure, being passive and impatient. Even more importantly, they often announce their own niceness.

Plain and simple, nice guys can come off as annoying. They strive to create the illusion that they are soft and vulnerable. But instead they come off as being a kiss-ass and excessively clingy. This has led to many men claiming they’ve been put into the “friend-zone”. Psychologist Dr. Jesse Marczyk states: “The men who tend to get stuck in the friend-zone might not be attractive enough on their own (physically, socially, or otherwise), and so try to compensate for their shortcomings by investing in women more than their peers. In other words, they might use kindness to try and make up for what they lack elsewhere.” Nice guys almost always get shunned to the hellish limbo of being friend-zoned. Initially, it is because they are not very attractive (not just physically), which is why they try to overcompensate for their shortcomings by being excessively attentive to a woman’s every whim.

Being nice does not entitle you to anything, nor does it obligate anyone to anything either. In all honesty, you don’t get a gold star for being a decent human being. Kindness is the bare minimum of humanity. Don’t hold that against someone if you actually have romantic interests for this person.

Make Your Intentions Clear

Woman placing hands on man's face
Woman placing hands on man’s face

Best thing to avoid being stuck in the friend zone, is to make your intentions clear from the beginning. Chances are if she is not into you from the start, then she most likely will never be romantically interested in you. So help yourself by being straightforward and honest. Don’t wait around if your feelings are not reciprocated. That is a formula for disappointment for both parties. If your intentions were to move past the friend-zone then make it clear.

Also, start by working on yourself. Give yourself a chance to be more productive in this small waiting window. Get fit, find a great job, take care of yourself. Put your own needs as a priority. Not only are you going to gain self-respect, but you will gain respect from your peers and maybe even a few lady friends will take notice. Increasing your social status and bringing more to the table on your own will increase your options. Remember, love yourself enough to not get caught in an undesired situation.

With all this being said, it begs two questions: Does the bad boy always get the girl? And, can men and women be friends? We’ll discuss this next time.

Tony Bonilla
Tony is a content marketer, who enjoys writing and hosts his own podcast, Tongue Tied Talk Show. He currently resides in Southern California and is a poodle dad.

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